“he scares me so—-“

the title was a line from a song in the musical “Jesus Christ Superstar” or at least something like that.
the song was sung by Mary Magdalene and I’ve always been enchanted by the melody. I sometimes sing it out of the blue since Mr. Semilla (code name: Pooh Bear though he’s disappointed—his favorite has always been Piglet) showed us that movie and when i found an instrumental version of that song in my dad’s CD.

so, in one of the previous blogs, you might have seen one entitled: “What Charmine Rose means”. It’s somewhat an interpretation of your name. It will list your values, etc. Since I was 12, I was always enchanted by names. I know they were created for identification but there was something mystifying about names.
names tend to fit you: your face, physically—etc. it’s as if your body/personality will mold itself according to your given name.
for example, the common name is “josh”
Joshes are usually cute, handsome and modelicious….or if not, they could be fat (though, still cute).

anyways, my name as interpreted says that i am prone to paranoia and such. and yes, it’s definitely true. it’s been a problem to me.
so in this blog, i’m displaying my paranoia at its best.

it’s about him.
there was one day that he miscalled several times and he texted an expression once.
and i am thankful.
why?
it’s because of how i translated his actions.

i believe that he is trying to help me get over him.
the fact that i can ignore his miscalls and text messages means that i’m getting better.

last week or so, he texted me and i replied—-as punishment, i keep looking forward for his messages only to be disappointed because of his sudden impulses to be silent.
i get more hurt if i reply because i would expect for a reply too.

the fact that i can dodge him for one day is quite a big step for me.
if he texts and miscalls in the days to come ((of course, if it’s clearly for no important reasons)), i wouldn’t reply.

someday, i’ll move on.
—but yet, “he scares me so—“
he does not do anything but he moves me.
i guess that’s the reason i’m scared.

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