paranoia scores 1; brain is dead 0

i really am controlled by my own paranoia.

i mean, even my brain can’t overpower it—-and think about it, the brain is the one who controls all of the bodily function——–and i’m not even sure that’s the correct definition i should use.

i don’t understand how i react to things, to situation—well, actually i do—-but when it comes to HIM! my brain goes numb.

he’s unpredictable—well for my analytical capacity anyways…maybe for others, he would be easier to understand.

nica: unsa man na xa oi?!
sheela: bahala ka…
kristel: hehehehe…

well, they didn’t really say that but that’s what i imagined them to say—-and that’s what they’ll say most likely.

first strategy: ignore him
so one day passed of ignored misscalls and a single message, i thought i was proceeding to graduation ((please read previous blog entitled, “he scares me so—” ((if you really read it, you would notice some fine points of this awful situation)).
and the next day, he didn’t text and miscall so after that, i became a bit sad but i did convince myself to cheer up for the pain will be temporary.
and so the next day passed, but another day comes rolling in and he comes back.
i just had to know what’s on his mind—i mean, come on—unless, he’s not only texting and miscalling me, i would feel damned crazy and possessed.
so this strategy failed and quickly became:

second strategy: reply
but this is so like stupid.
imagine, after the reply—-either there is no rebound from him, or just a senseless expression (either compose of Oh, Yo, Oi, etc—-i get so annoyed at the simplicity of his replies) or long reply (that could range from 30 minutes to hours).
my brain is singing kylie minogue ((spellcheck for me, please)):
“you did it again, oooo-hoh
you did it again—-won’t you listen to me when i’m telling you it’s no good for you!”

i feel regret when replying to him.
i feel so used. haha!
it made me so used to looking at my cellie even when there’s no message in it—or miscalls.

third strategy:
reply when it is sensible

in other words, when text messages contain one of those unrepliable ((there’s no such word, so don’t use this)) expressions of OH, OI, YO better not reply.
understandable even if incomplete (or simply clauses–independent or not) are going to be replied in case of emergency.
example of acceptable phrases/clauses
(a) ironmaaaaaannnnnn (x)
(b) watch ta ironmaaaaan (acceptable)
(c) hmf (displays anger so i would need to reply to this).

just another day; another beating.
anyways, my blog anniversary is tomorrow. celebrating its 3rd year! 🙂


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