THE PROBLEM

I’ve been having a problem lately. I can’t seem to collect my thoughts anymore and put them into words.
I start typing a blog entry but always I end up making it private because it’s unfinished…or I only get to the part of writing the title but without a content.
Maybe, I’m beginning to be empty.
My chest always hurts.
I can’t go on like this.
It’s like a self-inflicted wound. This is not drama, by the way. It’s true.
I don’t feel like myself for the past few weeks. Maybe I’ll rest muna and hopefully, my eyes will at least cry a little. I really need to cry.
If I don’t cry, I’ll end up absorbing every ugly feeling I’m having.
I might burst.
But I can’t bring myself to cry.
Maybe…if something wonderful would happen, i would finally shed some tears for my relief…well, that’s just a theory anyway. But it is plausible that THAT may happen in that manner ((i used THAT three times)).
ARGGGG….this is insane!!
Why does this happen to me?!
Will I ever die happy this way? Come on! That’s my only wish….A happy non-regretful death! Is that so hard to give???!! Wait, I don’t mean that I want to die right now, though. Maybe after a lifetime!!
Can’t I have a happy life as of the moment? I seem to be dwelling in the past. Memories of him!!
This sucks. He isn’t even suffering. Sure, he texts ((at his own time)) but that doesn’t mean anything to him (i believe in that firmly).
He does not need me anymore.
I do not know for what reason did he contact me still but I feel miserable that I can’t get over him.
For the love of GOD!!! Please..if he’s really not meant for me, make me forget about him before the start of June. And if he really does not like me anymore, don’t let him text m, miscall or any other means.

Hm…come to think of it,
if he likes me, he should invite me to his house for tomorrow’s festivities((fiesta))!!!
ACK. come to think of it,
that’s kinda impossible
he wouldn’t do that.

Hay…I need to eat ice cream to make me happy…and maybe some sandwiches…fresh milk, kikiam—meatballs!!
this is the most depressing summer ever.
I hate this. Can’t I just be completely happy even for one moment?
Hay—–WAHHHHHHHH((this is crying not happy wah, k?))HHHHHHHHHHHH…..

Arg. Stupid me, you make me look bad. Real drama in desperate times like this.

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