another text message

“if you can’t cry…
t
ry talking…

if yo
u can’t talk,
say nothing…

but sometimes,
t
alking can bring on the tears..

and tears can say what you can’t.”

you already know of the problem of me unable to cry…
but if you’ve noticed by now, i’ve lost the power to talk too.
to write in the blog to say what i feel…
sometimes, i think i should shut down my blogsite or something.
but maybe, this is a temporary thing.

i seem to recall a memory i had in fourth year.
it was during the retreat period…a very common thing in Christian schools.
it was during meditation time….
the music was serene and we were asked to face the ground, lying on our personal mats.
i didn’t really think of anything…
maybe, it’s because there was nothing to think of.
and then, tears suddenly dripped from my eyes….uncontrollably…
it was so sudden that i started sobbing…
then, i think, if my memory serves me right, he looked at me…

he asked me what was wrong and i told him tears just fell down…and i can’t stop it.
he asked me if the tears were because of him…and of course i said it’s not you ((really…it’s not him..honest…there was no definite reason)).
and the tears didn’t stop until the activity wherein we burned something in the middle of the circle…

it’s still such a mystery for me why i cried.

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