THE PACKING TAPE IS MISSING

Leaving things not fully packed up and stored…
        Leaving it as it was—

    Could it be possible that after time passed,
    I wouldn’t forget and forgive myself?

Break up.
No tears.
Back in.
Break up.
12 early mornings of salty rain.
Back in.
Break up.
Waiting for the rain but the weather’s too dry.

I let myself leave a relationship again and again without knowing the complete reason.
But maybe unconsciously I knew.
I didn’t trust him.
I never did.

And whenever I leave the relationship I would tell myself—I say I was right.
But then, there would always come a time when I would forget that reason and end up with the same relationship.

I don’t want to go back again.
But I’m afraid that I’d do it again.

It’s like a drug.
You know it’s bad.
You left it during rehab.
But then we you get a taste of it—
in the end, an addict will always be an addict.
There is no such thing as a former addict,
only a recovering addict that would easily fall back on
the same mistake.

I don’t want to go back anymore.
Please help me.

Leaving things not fully packed up and stored…
        Leaving it as it was—
    not even putting it in the storage room
    or on your frontyard so that the garbage man could pick     it up.
The packing tape is missing.
The packing tape which is my final step to leaving it completely behind.
Not completely forgotten.
But at least it deserved its rest.
        Learn.

Note:
I always think he can survive without me
but i can’t do the same
i only like guys rarely
it’s hard to find one I’ll love
and there are many girls who are his type—I think.

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