Beautiful

I just realized that only women call me beautiful—
—boys never tell me that.
even the guy i last had a relationship with ((i sound so cool when i say that—-even though there was only one guy and it sounded like i had a few)) didn’t tell me i was beautiful since high school—
and i’m 98.9% they’re not lesbians.

i don’t feel beautiful.
i use to feel so when i was in high school.
but then—
people suddenly come up to me and say:

from a girl (my friend):
“pagtarung lang jud chai—-you’re beautiful. pagsanina lang tarung and everything”

from a guy (a guy):
“pagpaputi and make your boobs bigger”

harsh.
but then i decided this was all for the better…
…grr…at least people aren’t coming to me because i’m beautiful…
because i have something else that they should look at more.

by the way—-i just realized that my parents tell me i’m beautiful every time i come home.
so that makes me happy and confident…
but a sharp pang suddenly strikes…they’re my parents…they’re supposed to say that.

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