after the free-spirited and possibly light blog entry ((see below as reference))
I’m now going to tell you the true mood I’m in.
Yep…i do look like a psycho. But i guess the picture says it all.
I am damn right.
And I don’t care if the reader feels unpleasant when he/she finishes reading this…because first of all, what are you doing here—butting in my thoughts and problems? You read with your own risk. Now listen to what I want to say…or rather…read what I want to say.
I want to talk about a boy.
A boy that I refuse to call a man because as of now, I don’t see what’s good in referring to him as a man.
I want to cry but it’s hard to cry nowadays…not because I’m so happy..but because I’m so immune to all the loneliness, anger and yadahyadah.
point#1 (i don’t know how many points there will be after this blog, so please count.)
are we in a relationship or not? ok…so it’s a question, not a point. do you expect me to be on call for you when you’re not “busy” or “not being lazy”? and you’re not on call for me? if you don’t understand what i’m saying. read me more.
i just wait for your mood to text me, if you don’t want to text, you don’t reply to me.
the boy and i are not even friends in facebook! but he is friends with my other friends….darn, i feel the tears trickling out of my eyes. it’s been a long time since i cried.
i didn’t want to fight with you anymore coz i was very sorry that i lost your necklace. and i owe you for it. i don’t know why i think that way…but well..there’s no reason.
the only good things you did for me for this year is….greet me on my birthday and forgiving me for losing it.
here’s the ugly truth..
“i don’t understand…why it’s so hard for me just to say: ‘I don’t really feel like you love me so I’m leaving’? Instead, I say to myself: ‘Yes, I don’t feel loved at all…but why is this more comforting for me to have you even if it’s just that?'”
my heart is in my hand. but i’m not going to through it away.
(funny thing: i drew a heart on my right palm since it’s hard for me to write using my left hand.
funnier: i used my foot to take this picture…look, no hands.)
i shall continue crying on my bed in the dark.
readers, if we see each other…don’t talk to me about this. nor text me about this. this is meant for release…not asking for your help.